The Road To Hell Is Paved With Good Intentions

Have you ever heard the phrase "it's not like that" in regards to a friend, coworker, or acquaintance of the opposite sex? I'm sure we have all heard it, said it, or thought it at some point in our lives, whether we are warding off unwanted teasing from our family or reassuring a romantic partner. More often than not this is where infidelity begins.

It does NOT matter what your intentions are when it comes to a situation like this, especially when you are married. We as humans are naive enough to think that we could never cheat on our partner, but it's often not as simple as that. Just spending large or frequent amounts of time one on one with a member of the opposite sex can put you in a compromised situation. Even if you are not cheating physically, creating a strong emotional connection with someone who is not your partner leads to emotional cheating and puts you in a position to cheat physically by creating that bond.

I have seen on the internet, heard from friends or acquaintances the tired tale of a significant other and their friendship with the opposite gender and how "it's not like that" and 9 times out of 10 it is "like that". Even if you as an individual don't see it that way or aren't interested, that doesn't mean that the "friend" isn't actively trying to get between you and your partner or is simply just interested in you regardless of your relationship status. Furthermore if your partner has a problem with your friendship with that person or feels uncomfortable with it, you should respect your partner enough to either lessen contact or cut it off completely. Just because nothing is happening doesn't mean it isn't affecting your relationship.

Now I'm not saying you should let your partner tell you to cut off all of your friends because that is not a healthy behavior either, but you need to exercise good judgment as to whether the friends in your lives are a friend to the relationship. Even same sex friends might have been subtly trying to seduce you without you even realizing it, and if your partner is recognizing that behavior, you need to respect the fact that they are bothered by the actions or words of that friend. Even if that friend isn't interested in you romantically, if they are not a friend to the relationship they will violate your relationship boundary in other ways trying to drive a wedge between you and your partner.

If you wouldn't say or do something in front of your partner you probably shouldn't do it. My father has told me on multiple occasions in my life that he actively avoids being alone with any other female that isn't family. He does not go to lunch alone with a female coworker, he does not work closely one on one with women at work, at church, or anywhere else. It's important to proactively avoid putting yourself in a situation like that so you don't have a chance to fall into the trap of infidelity. 

This also, unfortunately, goes for any form of pornography. If you are preparing for marriage or even just dating someone you know has struggled with infidelity or has an addiction to pornography, do not fool yourself by thinking “oh once we're married it will be fine because I will be the only one they want”. It is never true. It actually will likely become a worse issue between the two of you after marriage because he has not ended his addiction and once you have shared that beautiful intimacy with each other it will hurt her so much more. This does not exclusively apply to men, obviously, but it is the most common with males.

So ask yourself and discuss with your partner how you will avoid those situations and work together to maintain the boundary of your relationship because good intentions are never enough. As the saying goes “The road to hell is paved with good intentions”.