Generational Trauma

 This week I would like to focus on the effects of previous generations on new generations. Keeping an open mind to another perspective of events is important, as well as being aware of the effects of stressful events within your family will help you to understand the reasons why there might be tension and resentment between once close family members. Just because you perceive events and actions a certain way does not mean it was intended to have that effect. 

We see this most commonly here in the United States with immigrants but especially with the families traveling here from Mexico, whether legal or not. We notice a breakdown of familial roles and the overall success and closeness of the family unit. For example, a family living in Mexico decides they want to move to the US to provide better educational opportunities for their children. So, they send the father to the US which is extremely dangerous and costs exorbitant amounts of money. While the father may have been doing very well for himself in Mexico, once arriving in the States he will have a hard time finding work and living due to not speaking English and will likely be taken advantage of due to him being here illegally. Fast forward years into the future the family has changed because the mother would have started to work as well as those children trying to fill in where the absence of the father has left them and by extension the working mother. This will likely continue even once they reunite with the father in the US because that do not speak the language and cannot afford to live. Furthermore, the children during that time separated, may have grown closer to their mother and may even resent their father, have dropped out of school to work and sons might even show less respect towards their parents because of the lack of that father figure. But wasn't the whole point of moving to provide educational opportunities for the children? How with the language barrier, lack of a way to enroll in school due to being illegal, and the fact that the kids have stepped into a parental role and away from school, get them those opportunities anyway? There are many stressors here that cause the breakdown of the family unit, however, we see similar things in other families who might not have migrated but who have suffered a traumatic event as a family. 

Whether it's a financial loss, the death of a parent or child, or the negative actions of a family member, many families have similar experiences as it relates to poor conflict resolution after a traumatic event. A large part of how the family will move forward falls on the parents. If the parents don't handle the stress well the children likely won't either. This goes back to the marital boundary that creates a strong family. If the husband and wife become separated whether emotionally or physically, that begins to blur the lines between child and parent, disrupting the hierarchy of the family and how they each respond in their respective roles. 

Being able to recognise as a parent as well as a child why the actions of a family member might have presented as hurtful, distancing, or resentful will help to promote communication and understanding. If a child can gain an understanding of why their father was away or why they have to make some difficult financial decisions, it will help the child to hopefully ease their resentments especially when the parent was only trying to compensate for something lacking or wrongdoing. Communication is always essential in any and all relationships specifically when trying to maintain a strong family unit. And being able to recognise that our parents aren’t perfect but often they are trying to do the best they can for what they feel is best for their children.