Boundaries Are Essential

Something that I think a lot of people forget to develop are a healthy set of boundaries. Boundaries are something you have to set in any relationship whether its with your friends, significant other, co-workers, or even your dog. And not knowing how to set boundaries or your figurative “white picket fence” let alone how to respect others can be detrimental to your relationship with others or yourself.

Boundaries are fundamental to the health and longevity of any relationship, particularly in marriage. They serve as a framework that allows both partners to understand their individual needs, desires, and limitations while fostering a supportive and respectful partnership. Establishing clear boundaries is essential for several reasons, including promoting emotional well-being, enhancing communication, and ensuring mutual respect. But is also helps to keep others outside of your relationship with your spouse.

One of the primary reasons boundaries are vital in a marriage is that they contribute to the emotional well-being of both partners. In a healthy relationship, each individual must feel safe and secure enough to express their feelings, opinions, and desires. Without boundaries, one partner may dominate the relationship, leading to feelings of resentment, inadequacy, or frustration in the other. For instance, if one partner has a different set of expectations or views of how something should be done they might see the others actions as an affront or attack on them because the perspectives aren’t aligned. Where one might see what they did as loving and caring the other’s perspective might be the opposite. If you don’t talk about those things in your relationship it will lead to a breakdown in communication and likely build resentment towards a partner when it was really a miscommunication. Boundaries help to clarify what is acceptable and what is not, allowing both partners to feel valued and understood. When each partner knows their limits and respects those of their spouse, it fosters a sense of security and trust. This emotional safety enables both individuals to thrive both within and outside the relationship.

Effective communication is crucial in any marriage, and boundaries play a significant role in facilitating this process. When boundaries are clearly defined, it becomes easier for partners to communicate their needs and expectations without fear of judgment or misunderstanding. This clarity helps to prevent conflicts that can arise from misinterpretation or unmet expectations. However something you should never do is go to a friend or parent when hurt or angered by your spouse because that is a breach of your marital boundary. While complaining or venting might bring you closer to that friend or parent it drives a wedge between you and your partner because you will likely be validated by this outsider and it also turns this parent or friend against your spouse regardless of whether or not you work out your problem. You should never let anyone into your marital circle, even children when and should they come along, that is a space only for you and your partner. There is your marital circle and then an extension which is your family circle including your children.

Establishing boundaries is also a matter of mutual respect. In a marriage, both partners bring their own experiences, values, and perspectives to the relationship. Recognising and respecting these differences is essential for a harmonious partnership. Boundaries help delineate individual identities within the marriage, allowing each partner to maintain their sense of self while still being part of a union. When boundaries are respected, it sends a powerful message that each partner’s feelings and needs are valid. For instance, if one spouse has a boundary regarding financial decisions, it is essential for the other to acknowledge and respect that boundary. This respect fosters a sense of equality in the relationship, where both partners feel empowered to voice their opinions and make decisions collaboratively. Refering to my earlier analogy of the “white picket fence”, you don’t want a cinder-block wall topped with barbed wire as your fence but you also don’t want a lack of a fence at all allowing people to traipse in at random, causing various amounts of damage. Whereas a white picket fence defines a clear boundary but is still inviting and you will let people inside that fence line now and again.

It is imperative that you start to discuss these things as you date and become engaged so you are on the same page with your partner when you are eventually married and can construct your life on the foundation that you built early on in your relationship.